What’s in your pocket?
Earlier this year, I failed to help a participant in a workshop I was leading. She was questioning something I said about a historic site, a site I was sure I knew more about. I felt like she was attempting to dilute the validity of my argument by asking for absurdly specific supporting data that I could not, in my heightened emotional state, recall. It was not my most intellectually humble moment.
Fortunately, I was co-facilitating. From outside the conflict, my colleague recognized that underneath the tension between me and the participant was a simple misunderstanding. She could see what I couldn’t - that what I had said wasn’t clear - and that the participant, eager to be right, defended their interpretation. She clarified the misunderstanding and moved us all along.
As facilitators, we don’t always have the luxury of co-facilitation, and in those moments we need to avail ourselves of other dialogic tools.
I call them pocket phrases - inspired by a Tenement Museum colleague who distributed poems on small scraps of paper for Poem in Your Pocket Day. Pocket phrases are plainly worded statements that help you more effectively engage in moments when you feel challenged as a facilitator. Infinitely useful, they also allow you to deepen participant understanding of themselves and of each other.
Pocket phrases generally serve one of three functions:
They helps facilitators gather information so as to more effectively respond:
Tell me more.
What experiences have you had with this?
What would that look like?
What was the outcome?
They invite participants to deepen their self -learning:
How did you come to that?
Could you help us understand the reasons behind your opinion?
What about you do people need to know in order to understand your perspective?
Let’s explore that further.
They invite other participants into the dialogue:
Does everyone agree?
Has anyone had a similar/different experience?
What are we missing that needs to be talked about?
What do others think?
And because I hear them far too often? Here’s the phrases I wish facilitators would stop using as they rarely facilitate learning:
That's interesting. - Interested listeners don’t just say something is interesting and move on; they ask questions and draw connections.
I agree or I disagree. - As facilitators we carry power in the dialogue - we enforce guidelines, we recognize speakers, we move participants along with the questions we ask. Statements that share your opinion typically validate one participant's perspective over another, and damage group trust in the process.
Me too!- As a facilitator, it’s never about you. Better to ask what the participant learned from their experience, not insert your own.
Thank you for sharing. - Acknowledging the contribution of a participant is important. But if overused, this response may relay that a facilitator isn’t truly listening. Furthermore, saying it after every participant comment interrupts the natural flow of dialogue by centering the facilitator’s approval as necessary before other participants can continue.
What pocket phrases have you had success with? Drop me a line, and make use of my favorite pocket phrases, which I’ve uploaded as an infographic here.